Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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