I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
