Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
love makes seman taste better
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
