I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
