Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
