When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
