i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
