my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
