i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A+ Viking dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
