Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
