when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
