is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
