dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
