Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
