Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
"it" just moved
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
