i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
