i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize