just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
