yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
