You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
