Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
