Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
