My hand turned me down
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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