At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
