i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
