How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
