break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
