I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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