i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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