I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
