I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
