I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
