you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
