'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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