i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize