I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
