this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
do nipples grow back?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
