we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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