Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
