Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
