I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
