Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize