New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
