he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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