can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize