I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
