they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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