this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
