I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
