I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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