he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
