1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize