i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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