Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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