he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
