i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
