I hate your face
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
