If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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