dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
