i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
