Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
