You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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