My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Damn victory sex feels great
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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