im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
