We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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