I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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