In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
