Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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