I can tuck mytits in my pants
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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