I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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