I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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