In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
