sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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