her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
