I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize