no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
