He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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