My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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