Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
