So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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