and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize