I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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