If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
