did you get engaged???
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
