you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
