she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
