She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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