Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
