Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
